A father entered his daughter’s bedroom and saw a letter on the bed.

With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m telling you that I’ve eloped with my new boyfriend. I’ve found real love and he is so nice. Especially with all his piercing, scars and tattoo. But it’s not only that, I’m pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s one of my dreams.

I’ve learned that marijuana doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and his friends, and they’re providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we’ll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it.

Don’t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their garage. Apparently I can earn 50 pounds a scene. I get a 50 pound bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra 100 pounds if they use the horse.

Don’t worry Mum. Now I’m 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself, and one day I’ll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,

Aimee

PS: Dad, it’s not really true. I’m watching TV at a neighbour’s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than your F*CKING football team LOSING.
PENALTIES AGAIN.